I gave everything to him first, I was only seventeen
He walked out on me that night and the way he did it was so mean.
But what did I expect, that’s how my whole life had been.
Then soon after, even my family didn’t want me.
I was homeless and lost on the street.
I trudged along on my own, trying to put together a life.
In walked a man, he said he loved me, and I became his wife.
Years past and a child we had,
But after the baby there was no love to be had.
Again my poor heart was tattered and alone.
And again on the streets alone thru my life did I roam.
I stumbled and fell and made many mistakes,
Now my child didn’t even want to be with me.
I just don’t have what it takes.
Then one day I met a man who again brought a smile to my face.
I loved him like no one I’d ever loved before.
But yet again I was not enough, he wanted more.
I’d never be skinny or pretty enough that was loud and clear.
The way that he treated me cut like a knife.
But like a drug addict, I took anything I could get
So starved for attention, so beat down and bruised.
My life was in shambles, it was all a big ruse.
I give all I have, but it’s never enough
For anyone else, I’m just never up to snuff.
I had the courage to leave, not long ago.
But he begged me to try to work things out, promised he would try
I couldn’t just walk away, I had to give it a chance,
But he never really tried, he just gave up once I was back.
And I kept going back, why did I love him so much.
If only when we were in bed he would touch me like before.
I wouldn’t feel like a whore,
But he wouldn’t touch me or kiss me like he did once,
What is wrong with this heart, why did I need him so much?
Why was he like an addiction, I just couldn’t ignore.
I wanted to be with him so badly; I traded my soul,
For something he said would never be more.
No “chemistry” he said, however I just kept going back
For 5 years I tortured myself hoping for more.
Why not just quit, why should I play the game
Deserted by every man I’ve loved in my life,
I’ve given my all, to every man that I’ve loved.
I should know by now that all that I am,
It will never be enough.

Walking through sunlight I see your face
Your arms hold peace within them
We have a connection
We sense things unsaid, unheard
Sometimes unknowing to our conscious minds
Dreams, hopes, sadness, and happiness we share
We are a part of each other’s life
Vital, yet sometimes unknown how much to the other.
We hide some secrets
Everything else is freely shared
Secrets are lessened as time drifts by
As, gradually, glimpses into past life we reveal
Together in spirit although physical time is limited
You see through me at times
Though at times, miss the real truth
You are clear to me
Although sometimes a haze
Tears come, although suppressed
When I think of a life without you as a part
We are not of the same blood
Yet we are family just the same
We take what is given and forgive what is not
Days without word leave me longing
Though rarely do we allow that to happen
For that, I am truly thankful
Constant companions in thought
Though the distance is far
And our separate lives we lead…

We are soulmates in friendship forever

Thank You

Christmas 2002 by Terrah

I feel so much myself when I’m with you

Everything that scares and worries me, gets pushed aside

I hate that at times, I come across as being so weak

I wish you could see me more when I’m strong

I really am stronger than most know, even you.

When I’ve been lost, you’ve helped me find my way

Your reassurance and strength when I’m down

Means so much to me, more than you might imagine.

You see the colors in me, like no one else

And behind your dark glasses…

You’re something else.

You give me the most gorgeous sleep that I’ve ever had.

And when life seems really bad…

You remind me - it’s really not that bad.

So many moons that we have seen

I’ve seen right through and underneath

And you make me better

There’s an underside to you that I adore

You’re good for me, of that I am sure.

You always care about me,

You’re always thoughtful of my feelings…

I appreciate you and everything you do for me.

I can never repay all that you have done for me,

For everything that you have taught me,

You’d never let me anyhow

But I’m not one to let how much I appreciate you, go unsaid.

I love you, not only for who you are…

Also because of the person you have pushed me to become.

Thank you for the friendship and love that you have shown me over the years,

Everything

(4/13/03)

I’ve never felt this strong before

I thought no one could ever make me feel that way again

But once again … you have proven me wrong.

I lie in your arms and feel so safe

Many times we don’t need to say a word

There are times when you look right into me

And know what I’m feeling without speaking

We have this connection with each other

I’ve never felt that before.

We talk everyday

You’ve always been there when I needed you

I would truly be lost without you in my life.

I think about you night and day

I can’t help feeling this way.

You’ve stolen my heart-

And I don’t want it back.

I have always been good to you

And you have treated me so good in return.

We have a good time.

I will always be honest and true

Although you’ve said in the past it’s just sex

It’s love that I’m making with you.

You can tell me that you don’t love me

Till your face turns blue

I know there’s some kind of love

In your heart for me, by the things that you do.

I don’t need to hear any certain words,

To know that it’s true.

I don’t need special gifts on certain days

You show me all the time how you feel.

I still get nervous at your touch

You still make me tingle

I love the way you make me feel

I always want you so much

You’re so loving and gentle…

You know how to please.

And for you I don’t even mind…

Getting down on my knees.

Your hot body against mine

Still sends shivers up my spine

On the days we’re apart

I long for your touch

I love you so much.

A love so deep

So true and undeniable

It can’t just be lust.

I’m happy that we’re trying to work things out

You mean everything to me.

Got it?………

glimmering sparks
of pure youthful
exuberance.

the soul of a child
lives happily inside,
covered by the dusk
of adult worry.

fine lines of laughter,
run dancing,
through flowers
of midnight black.

a tangled mass
of insightful
intelligence reaching………
for the clawed hand,
of guidance.

a woven tapestry,
of obscure pathways
known only to the child.

the sure way to go,
is known, yet hidden.
by the polite confusion
of a world  made of
desperation.

reach for the hand……
got it?
it knows the path
but only back
to the spirit that was lost.

An Angel Sent…

by Terrah Hyde

October 2000

You messaged me just looking to talk-

We talked for months,

And into my heart you did walk.

I wasn’t looking and neither were you

And we never expected the friendship that grew.

Over time, you have been there for me,

You have listened, advised, and cared.

I think that God knew

How much I needed a friend.

Someone who wouldn’t abandon,

But stick with me to the end.

And so he sent us each other,

Two people, each one needing another.

For comfort, for sharing,

For talking, for caring-

Someone to spend time with-

Someone to relax with-

Over time this friendship has become

More precious than I ever dreamed of.

You’ve been there to lift me up

When I was blue and sad.

You’ve been honest and sincere

And for that I am glad.

I know you’re an angel

Sent to me from above,

And everyday as I go to bed,

I thank God for your friendship and love.

I’ve told you I love you,

And I’m sure you know it’s true-

We’re two peas in a pod

As I’ve told you before-

And I know that we’ll be friends,

For a long time more.

I think I will post some of my poetry up here on my blog.  Some may appreciate it, others may not.  I have a whole folder full of poems that I have written over the years.  I haven’t written any lately.

Lately I have been doing quite a bit of web design on the side after work.  You can see my latest project that I have been doing for my taller but little sister here at www.imautah.com.  She married her Karate instructor.  I have also done a website for my not much taller older sister at www.dustysmobilehomeservice.com.

My next project is my friend Ginger and a site for all her critters that she raises, rescues, and sells.  We have gotten two wonderful horses from Ginger, Cowboy and Melody (I’ll get some pics of both of them up here soon!).

Well it is bedtime, I’ll work on this more tomorrow and will post some poetry from the early years, maybe I’ll tell some stories about “back in the day” on here as a sort of memoir or something, maybe more of a “what not to do when you’re young and dumb!” guide LOL.

‘night all!