Why Even Try?
March 7th, 2009 -- Posted in Poetry | No Comments »Why Even Try
January 2005
I gave everything to him first, I was only seventeen
He walked out on me that night and the way he did it was so mean.
But what did I expect, that’s how my whole life had been.
Then soon after, even my family didn’t want me.
I was homeless and lost on the street.
I trudged along on my own, trying to put together a life.
In walked a man, he said he loved me, and I became his wife.
Years past and a child we had,
But after the baby there was no love to be had.
Again my poor heart was tattered and alone.
And again on the streets alone thru my life did I roam.
I stumbled and fell and made many mistakes,
Now my child didn’t even want to be with me.
I just don’t have what it takes.
Then one day I met a man who again brought a smile to my face.
I loved him like no one I’d ever loved before.
But yet again I was not enough, he wanted more.
I’d never be skinny or pretty enough that was loud and clear.
The way that he treated me cut like a knife.
But like a drug addict, I took anything I could get
So starved for attention, so beat down and bruised.
My life was in shambles, it was all a big ruse.
I give all I have, but it’s never enough
For anyone else, I’m just never up to snuff.
I had the courage to leave, not long ago.
But he begged me to try to work things out, promised he would try
I couldn’t just walk away, I had to give it a chance,
But he never really tried, he just gave up once I was back.
And I kept going back, why did I love him so much.
If only when we were in bed he would touch me like before.
I wouldn’t feel like a whore,
But he wouldn’t touch me or kiss me like he did once,
What is wrong with this heart, why did I need him so much?
Why was he like an addiction, I just couldn’t ignore.
I wanted to be with him so badly; I traded my soul,
For something he said would never be more.
No “chemistry” he said, however I just kept going back
For 5 years I tortured myself hoping for more.
Why not just quit, why should I play the game
Deserted by every man I’ve loved in my life,
I’ve given my all, to every man that I’ve loved.
I should know by now that all that I am,
It will never be enough.